NOVEMBER 24, 2023



 “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands” (Proverbs 14:1 New King James Version).

In the first part of this message, I discussed six things that a wise woman must do to build her home having seen what Proverbs 14:1 says:  “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands” (Proverbs 14:1 New King James Version). This scripture is not followed by details of how the wise woman builds her house or how the foolish pulls or tears down her house with her hands.

Thus, we are looking at what a wise woman requires to build her house drawing from the Bible. As the Amplified Bible puts Proverbs 14:1: “The wise woman builds her house [on a foundation of godly precepts, and her household thrives], but the foolish one [who lacks spiritual insight] tears it down with her own hands [by ignoring godly principles].”

I have already discussed six things, namely:

1. She must be born again.

2. A wise woman must understand God’s purpose for her in marriage.

3. A wise woman must be submissive or subject to her husband and respect him.

4. She must love her husband and children.

5. She must build her home on the Word of God.

6. She must cultivate a good character.

I want to conclude the message by looking at other things a wise woman must do to build her house, which I said refers to her home or family.

7. She must get wisdom. To build her house or home, a woman needs the wisdom of God. Proverbs 24:3-4 says through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge, the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

Wisdom is required to build anything, especially a home. As Proverbs 4:7 says, wisdom is the principal thing; therefore, get wisdom, and in all your getting, get understanding. No matter how diligent or industrious a man is, with a foolish woman as a wife, all his labour may soon come to ruin. A wise woman is an asset to a man; she will help him to build his home.

2 Samuel 14:2 describes the woman from Tekoa as a wise woman. Also, 2 Samuel 20:15-16 refers to a woman in Abel of Beth Maachah as wise. Each of these wise women was instrumental in solving a problem. A foolish woman will tear or pull down her home but a wise woman will build it through wisdom.

One of the ways to become wise is to ask God for it. James 1:5 says if anyone lacks wisdom, he should ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. It takes having a measure of wisdom to ask God for wisdom; foolish people may not see a need for it.

In 1 Kings 2:9, David referred to Solomon as a wise man. No wonder that when God asked him in a dream to ask for what He should give him, he didn’t ask for wealth or the lives of his enemies but for wisdom. “Now give me wisdom and knowledge, that I may go out and come in before this people; for who can judge this great people of Yours?” (2 Chronicles 1:10 New King James Version). 1 Kings 3:9 says a similar thing. God gave him more than what he asked for. A foolish person might not have asked for wisdom.

If a woman asks God for wisdom to build her home, God will give Him, as He has promised to do. But to get wisdom from God, a woman must have a reverent fear for Him. The reverent fear of the Lord is the beginning or foundation of wisdom (Proverbs 9:10; Psalm 111:10). Job 28:28 says the fear of the Lord is wisdom.

A woman can also receive godly wisdom through the right association. Proverbs 13:20 says whoever walks with the wise will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed. A woman who wants to build her home must avoid associating with foolish women, those whose beliefs and views on the home and actions are contrary to the Bible. They will only help her to destroy her home.

8. She must develop intimacy with her husband. This includes emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental intimacy. A woman should be sensitive to the emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental needs of her husband and strive to build closeness between both, knowing his likes and dislikes.

A wise woman must intentionally cultivate intimacy in her marriage. She must make time to be together with her husband as often as possible. She must take care of the personal needs of his husband at home and not delegate this responsibility. She must be a good listener and communicate effectively with her husband. She must spend time regularly with her husband in prayer; they should eat and play together. She must develop an interest in what interests him, including his business or career. She must not be too busy and neglect her husband as foolish women do.

Sexual intimacy is very important in marriage. A wise wife must satisfy the sexual needs of her husband. Disobedience to the Word of God on this has destroyed some homes. Using fasting, tiredness, and so on as excuses for lack of sex in their marriages, some wives have pulled down their homes.

But a wise woman will pay attention to 1 Corinthians 7:3-6 and not starve her husband sexually: “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command” (1 Corinthians 7:3-6 New International Version). As I have said, some homes have fallen apart because of failure to obey this scripture.

9. She must use her God-given influence in the home with the fear of God. God has given the man authority and the woman’s influence. Wrong use of both can destroy the home.

In the book of Genesis, Rebekah used her influence on Jacob to persuade him to deceive his father, Isaac, to receive the blessing meant for his brother, Esau. He deceived his father and he blessed him (Genesis 27:1-29). She also used her influence on her husband to make Jacob escape from his brother under the guise of not wanting him to marry any of the Hittite women (Genesis 27:41-46; 28:1-5). Rebekah caused hatred between Esau and Jacob because she influenced Jacob wrongly.

In Genesis 39:1-20, the wife of Potiphar lied against Joseph and influenced her husband to send him to prison. Also, Solomon’s foreign wives influenced him negatively. When Solomon was old, his wives turned his heart to other gods. His heart was not loyal to the LORD his God, as was the heart of his father, David (1 Kings 11:1-14).

Herodias was an ungodly influence on her daughter, which led to the beheading of John the Baptist. She taught her to ask for his head on a platter (Matthew 14:6-12; Mark 6:21-29).

However, in 2 Timothy 1:5, the Bible records how a grandmother and a mother used their influence positively. “I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also” (New International Version).

Wise women use their influence on their husbands and children in the fear of God, thus building their homes. They don’t abuse the influence they have to manipulate them to do what is wrong or sinful. Some women have used their influence in an ungodly manner and have not only brought down their husbands but also pulled down their homes.

10. She must pray without ceasing. Wise women build their homes by praying for their husbands, children, and other family members for the establishment of the will of God, the nullification of the plans of the devil, and so on. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 says to pray without ceasing – never stop praying. Also, 1 Timothy 2:1 says requests, prayers, intercession, and thanksgiving be made for everyone. “Never stop praying, especially for others. Always pray by the power of the Spirit. Stay alert and keep praying for God’s people” (Ephesians 6:18 Contemporary English Version).

A praying wife/mother is a great asset. Her husband and children enjoy the benefits of the answers to prayers for them. Instead of praying for their family, foolish women gossip, nag, and curse their husbands and children, speaking destructive words into their lives. As Proverbs 18:21 says, death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Foolish women by their utterances make the home atmosphere toxic – good for demons to operate! Life with a nagging woman is terrible (Proverbs 19:13; 21:19; 25:24; 27:15). But a wise woman is a blessing to her husband, children, and other family members.

Conclusion: Are you a wise woman? Are you building your home? Are you praying for the fulfilment of the promises of God in your home? Or are you pulling your home down with your hands? If you have been pulling down your home, it is not too late to repent. If you pull down your home, you won’t be exempted from the attendant consequences now or later.


If you are not born again, you need to give your life to Jesus now. I urge you to take the following steps: *Admit that you are a sinner and you cannot save yourself and repent of your sins. *Confess Jesus as your Lord and Saviour. *Renounce your past way of life – your relationship with the devil and his works. *Invite Jesus into your life. *As a mark of seriousness to mature in the faith, start attending a Bible-believing and Bible-teaching church. There they will teach you how to grow in the Kingdom of God.

Kindly say this prayer now: O Lord God, I come unto You today. I know I am a sinner and I cannot save myself. I believe that Jesus is the Son of God who died on the cross to save me and God raised Him on the third day. I repent of my sins and confess Jesus as my Lord and Saviour. I surrender my life to Jesus now and invite Him into my heart. By this prayer, I know I am saved. Thank You, Jesus, for saving me and making me a child of God.

I believe you have said this prayer from your heart. Congratulations! You will need to join a Bible-believing and Bible-teaching church in your area where they will teach you how to live your new life in Christ Jesus. I pray that you flourish like a palm tree and grow like a cedar of Lebanon. May you grow into Christ in all things and become all God wants you to be. I will be glad to hear from you. The Lord be with you.

PRAYER POINTS: Father, make the women who are pulling down their homes repent today and start building them. Let your peace reign in all homes that are in crisis. Give all women the wisdom to build their homes. Instead of nagging, gossiping, and cursing let the women who are pulling down their homes devote their time to praying for their families.

(For over 900 in-depth and powerful messages by T. O. Banso, visit www.cedarministry.org).

T. O. Banso is the President of Cedar Ministry International, Abuja, Nigeria.
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