NOVEMBER 23, 2023



 “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands” (Proverbs 14:1 New King James Version).

In Matthew 25, the Bible talks about the ten virgins. Five of them were wise and five were foolish. None of them was born foolish. They became foolish by their decisions (verses 1-13).

Proverbs 14:1 says, “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands” (New King James Version). In this scripture, there are two categories of women: the wise and the foolish. No woman is born foolish; a woman becomes foolish by her decision or choices. Are you a wise woman or a foolish woman? Any woman who has been foolish all along can change. And the wise woman should continue to be wise.

The woman in Proverbs 14:1 is a wife. God’s purpose for a woman in marriage is to be a helper to her husband.  “And the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him’” (Genesis 2:18 New King James Version). God did not form the woman from the dust of the ground but from the ribs of Adam. She is not to live independently of her husband but be a helper to him. Her pursuits must take cognizance of her role in her husband’s life. It must help them to bond, not cause separation. The Bible says the two shall become one flesh (Genesis 2:24).

A wife’s understanding of this will lead to her fulfilment in life. Anything the wife tries to do that is independent of the man will affect negatively the health of the house and may cause it to crumble. So, a woman who wants to build her house must know this.

The house Proverbs 14:1 is talking about is the home or family, not a building. Therefore, the word is better rendered as home. Every woman will determine the stability and continuity of her home. She will build it and make it strong by what she does or she will tear it down by what she does. “A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands” (Proverbs 14:1 New Living Translation). The scripture refers to a woman and not a man probably because the woman’s role in building a home or pulling it down is crucial. The woman spends more time at home than the man and manages the home. Her wisdom will build the home and her foolishness will ruin it.

From that scripture, it is clear that it is the hand of the woman (the wife) and not the hand of any other woman or person that will pull her home down. It is also clear that the home is built because the woman builds it – it doesn’t just happen. And the home does not just collapse; it takes the hand of a foolish woman to destroy it. Not all women (wives) are wise and build their homes, and that is not to say there are also not foolish men (husbands).

How a wise woman can build her home

1. She must be born again. “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it” (Psalm 127:1a New King James Version). It takes God to build; no man or woman can build anything by his/her power. And no woman can build her home by her power. Hebrews 3:4 says, “For every house is built by someone, but He who built all things is God” (New King James Version). Therefore, a woman who wants to build her home should come into a living relationship with God by giving her life to Jesus. Unless anyone is born again, he/she cannot see the kingdom of God (John 3:3). Every woman must be born again (John 3:7; 1 Peter 1:23). God can then help such a woman to build her home.

2. A wise woman must understand God’s purpose for her in marriage. A wife is not to have an independent agenda but discover and fulfil her God-ordained purpose under the headship and leadership of her husband. She must be a helper, not a competitor. “And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him’” (Genesis 2:18 New King James Version). Adam had no helper (Genesis 2:20). God made Eve to help him.

3. A wise woman must be submissive or subject to her husband and respect him. She must submit herself to her husband as to the Lord (Ephesians 5:22). She must accept his headship just as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which He is the Saviour (verse 23). 

It is in the interest of a wife to willingly concede leadership to her husband. That is how God designed it, and nobody should try to change it in the name of modern civilization. Wives who contest leadership with their husbands destroy their homes.

Also, 1 Peter 3:1 says a wife must be submissive to her husband. “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (Colossians 3:18 New King James Version). A woman who does not submit to her husband is tearing down her home with her hands.

The wife must subject herself to her husband as the church is subject unto Christ in everything (Ephesians 5:24). The subjection or submission must be in everything that is not against the Word of God. Furthermore, Ephesians 5:33b says a wife must respect her husband.

These instructions do not show any bias against the woman because the Bible also says husbands should love their wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her (Ephesians 5:25). Verse 33a adds that a husband must love his wife as he loves himself. Also, Colossians 3:19 says Husbands should love their wives and not be bitter toward them. The Bible does not side with the man against the woman. God’s order regarding marriage must be respected for the home to stand.

4. She must love her husband and children. Although Titus 2:4 talks about teaching younger women to love their husbands and children, this should not be limited to young women. Women, both young and old, should love their husbands and children. As husbands obey the biblical command to love their wives, wives must also do the same. And both husband and wives must love their children. They must bring them up in love. A woman who fails in this is tearing down her home.

A woman loving her children includes being a good example to them and bringing them up in the way of the Lord. A wise woman will train up her children the way they should go, and when they are old, they will not depart from it (Proverb 22:6). A woman who neglects training her children, because she is too busy, is pulling down her home. “The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother” (Proverbs 29:15 New King James Version). As Proverbs 10:1 says, a wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is the grief of his mother. A wise woman will train up her children so that they will not become her grief. A foolish son causes his mother great sorrow (Proverbs 17:25b).

A wise woman has time for her home – her husband and children. Like the virtuous wife in Proverbs 31, she watches over her home and her husband and children praise her. She watches over her family and never wastes her time. Her children speak well of her. Her husband also praises her, saying, ‘There are many fine women, but you are better than all of them’” (Proverbs 31:27-29 New Century Version).

5. She must build her home on the Word of God. The Amplified Bible renders Proverbs 14:1 thus: “The wise woman builds her house [on a foundation of godly precepts, and her household thrives], but the foolish one [who lacks spiritual insight] tears it down with her own hands [by ignoring godly principles].”

Jesus said whoever heard His sayings and did them was like a wise man who built his house on the rock (Matthew 7:24). A wife should build his home on the foundation of obedience to the Word of God. This will prevent the home from falling when the rain descends, the floods come, and the winds blow and beat on the home (verse 25).

Luke 6:47-49 puts it this way: “Whoever comes to Me, and hears My sayings and does them, I will show you whom he is like: He is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently against that house, and could not shake it, for it was founded on the rock. But he who heard and did nothing is like a man who built a house on the earth without a foundation, against which the stream beat vehemently; and immediately it fell. And the ruin of that house was great” (New King James Version).

A wife builds her home when she builds it is founded on obedience to the Word of God; she tears it down when she disobeys God. A wife must be a doer of the Word of God, not a hearer alone (James 1:22-25).

6. She must cultivate good character. Paul told Titus to teach older women to be reverent in behaviour, not slanderers and not addicted to much wine, and be teachers of good things (Titus 2:3). He also said he should teach the older women to teach the younger women to be self-controlled and pure, take good care of their homes, be kind, and obey their husbands (Titus 2:5a). Complete Jewish Bible says the young women should be taught “to be self-controlled and pure, to take good care of their homes and submit to their husbands” (Titus 2:5a Complete Jewish Bible). English Standard Version says they should be taught “to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands.” But it is not only the young women who should have these attributes. Both the young and the old should. A wife who doesn’t obey this Word is pulling down her home with her hands.

A wise woman must cultivate good character to build her home. He must not concentrate on external beauty but on internal. As Proverbs 31:30 says, charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. The Apostle Peter says, “Wives must not let their beauty be something external. Beauty doesn’t come from hairstyles, gold jewelry, or clothes. Rather, beauty is something internal that can’t be destroyed. Beauty expresses itself in a gentle and quiet attitude which God considers precious. After all, this is how holy women who had confidence in God expressed their beauty in the past. They placed themselves under their husbands’ authority as Sarah did. Sarah obeyed Abraham and spoke to him respectfully. You became Sarah’s daughters by not letting anything make you afraid to do good” (1 Peter 3:3-6 GOD’S WORD Translation).

Are you a wise woman or a foolish woman? Are you building your home or pulling it down with your hands? Be a wise woman. I will conclude this message tomorrow.


If you are not born again, you need to give your life to Jesus now. I urge you to take the following steps: *Admit that you are a sinner and you cannot save yourself and repent of your sins. *Confess Jesus as your Lord and Saviour. *Renounce your past way of life – your relationship with the devil and his works. *Invite Jesus into your life. *As a mark of seriousness to mature in the faith, start attending a Bible-believing and Bible-teaching church. There they will teach you how to grow in the Kingdom of God.

Kindly say this prayer now: O Lord God, I come unto You today. I know I am a sinner and I cannot save myself. I believe that Jesus is the Son of God who died on the cross to save me and God raised Him on the third day. I repent of my sins and confess Jesus as my Lord and Saviour. I surrender my life to Jesus now and invite Him into my heart. By this prayer, I know I am saved. Thank You, Jesus, for saving me and making me a child of God.

I believe you have said this prayer from your heart. Congratulations! You will need to join a Bible-believing and Bible-teaching church in your area where they will teach you how to live your new life in Christ Jesus. I pray that you flourish like a palm tree and grow like a cedar of Lebanon. May you grow into Christ in all things and become all God wants you to be. I will be glad to hear from you. The Lord be with you.

PRAYER POINTS: Father, make all our women wise. Give them the wisdom they need to build their homes. Let them build their homes and not tear them down with their hands. Father, let every home that has collapsed be rebuilt in Jesus’ name.

(For over 900 in-depth and powerful messages by T. O. Banso, visit www.cedarministry.org).

T. O. Banso is the President of Cedar Ministry International, Abuja, Nigeria.
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